my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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