Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
