Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
