I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
