She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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