so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
