I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
