That's intense
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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