Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
