YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
