Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
