it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
