i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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