He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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