the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
