You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
