i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
