i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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