D3 body, D1 cock
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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