I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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