I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
