He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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