He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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