This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
