even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
