I seem to have left my pride at pride
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
