I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
