There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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