Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
