This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
