New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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