i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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