K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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