Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
