You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
where are my eyebrows?
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