if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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