Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
