if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
