thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
