I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
