Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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