i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
