Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
