Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
