you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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