one might say we're banned from that church
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
