the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
