you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
