i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
