Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
