To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
