People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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