Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
