I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
