No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
